Admitting My Own Weight Bias

I've been ready many of the reviews of HUGE and the online chatter. It is an interesting mix of disdain and cheering.

I'm wondering about the disdain and where it is coming from.

One of the things that really stuck out for me last night and gave me food for thought this morning was the fact that the fat kids in the fat camp are weight-biased. Within a sea of overweight and obese kids there is a pecking order according to how fat the individual is. They treated one another exactly as the rest of the world treats them...badly.

If within the ranks of those who are considered "fat" there is weight-bias then how are we supposed to take a message of acceptance out to the rest of society? How are we supposed to focus on our health and take the steps necessary to treat our bodies with kindness? How are we supposed to make healthy food choices and engage in movement when we are constantly depressed, anxious, and saddened by the way we look? Making healthy decisions about how to treat our bodies takes energy, time, and compassion. We will never accomplish this if we are constantly berating ourselves and others--negative energy is exhausting.

Weight-bias is pervasive and I recall at the height of my own self-hatred I made sure to never surround myself with fat people. All of my friends were thin and beautiful. I conciously thought about who my friends were according to how they looked. Surely, if all of these thin people were my friends the remainder of society would like me and consider me the exceptional fat girl...the one and only who was good enough to hang around with "normal" people.

Wow--I actually admitted that. Feels good!

HUGE Premier

I just finished watching the first episode of HUGE on ABC Family tonight. I have to say that overall I was good with the show and its attempt to address the many complexities living in a fat body add to the already complex life most of us lead.

As a recovering binge eater, the show reminded me of how forced restriction brought out OCD tendencies and the "high" I sometimes felt when I ate as little as possible. It was not a sustainable state for me and I have to say that the thought of going to a weight loss camp sends chills down my spine even now.

The show also reminds me of how grateful I am for relief from the torture of dieting and the freedom of acceptance. This said, I feel for those who continue to live this way. If only they could focus on health and not their size.

At one point in the show, I was reminded of how many hours I've spent in the past looking in the mirror to see if I could tell how much weight I may or may not have lost. There was a time that all I cared about is how good I could be at dieting. What an awful existence. I missed so much.

What do you think? More later as I allow myself to digest...

Pre-show Thoughts

Getting ready to sit down to watch "HUGE" this evening after I put the kids to bed. Looking forward to writing more after I view the show.

I worked all day today on a grant application for a project that BEDA is doing to fund a weight bias and eating disorders educational program. It brought a lot of memories for me and I recalled when my 6 year old came home from school one day and asked "Mommy, why are you a different size than other Mom's." The funny thing is that I am actually the SAME size as many of the Moms he knows. I knew he had witnessed some fat talk at school--exactly what we want to educate on. I am hoping this program will be funded fully so it can be taken to kids ranging from K-12.

My kids aren't taught that "fat" is considered a bad thing. They know that Mommy is the shape and size that she is, just as daddy is his own shape and size. There is no moral value put on human size in our house.

We read "Shapesville" (I strongly recommend it for Pre-K and elementary aged children) and discuss often that every person is different.

It is important to me that my boys do not base their self-worth on what they look like or what shape they happen to be. My own eating disorder has biological foundations, I believe, but the continual harrassment by society to conform to a certain size was key to further destroying my health, body image and self-confidence.

Fat talk is harmful and we must get to a place of acceptance so that people can actually move toward a healthy body and mind.

Off to cuddle with my kids before sending them off to sleepy land. More after the show tonight!

HUGE

I have to admit when I first heard about the new show HUGE debuting June 28th at 9 pm ET on ABC Family I was instantly suspicious.

How could I not be? I've spent over 35 years shielding myself from teasing, bullying, and weight bias. I was an overweight kid who hid food and ate large quantities in secret to cope with family strife and everyday life. By the time I was a teenager, I was in the full throes of a severe eating disorder (binge eating disorder) and did everything I could to disengage and hide my fat body. The shame was deep and painful, and yet the food was an essential tool in my attempt to protect myself from the chaos around me.

My suspicion is based in fear. Fear for the millions of individuals who suffer and die as a result of an eating disorder. Fear for the millions of overweight kids who can be exploited in the name of profit. Fear of the emotions that may surface as I watch bias, similar to that which I experienced, play out on national television.

After all, the daily experience for people of size is much like being knocked to the ground repeatedly and then told to stand up straight with one's dignity fully in tact. As a society, we claim to want the best for an individuals health and yet we continually beat them over the head with blame, shame, and massive doses of guilt about how much it will cost to take care of their health conditions if they are fat. Would we take this same approach with cancer or alcoholism?

I became more optimistic about HUGE as I thought about the possibility of  a variety of shapes and sizes being represented on national television and the possibility of a national dialogue taking place that could, just maybe, help those who make moral judgements about "fat" understand that the psychological and social implications of their judgements are the cornerstone of the "condition" for many overweight or obese individuals. Without these judgements, we may be able to provide an environment that will allow people to eat what their bodies need without using food to fill voids created by shame.
 
Through my own journey with binge eating disorder I have learned to embrace a life that is no longer laden with self-hatred and poor self-esteem. I accept myself where I am today and engage in life. I am proud of who I am and no longer view myself primarily through the lens of my size. This is what I hope will be portrayed ultimately in HUGE.

I'll be watching on Monday. I hope you will join me and share your thoughts.

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I am proudly a member of The Actionist Network® a community of professionals committed to creating a nation of confident women and girls! For more information check out www.jessweiner.com/actionist.


Check out the HUGE conversation guide at http://www.jessweiner.com/huge-conversation-guide-by-jess-weiner/

First Blog

Wow! Here I am writing my very first blog on a regular basis. Thank you for following me and please let your friends know.

I will be musing mostly about issues related to binge eating disorder and the various other conditions that are related. I will also be sharing some of my experiences as the Founder and CEO of the Binge Eating Disorder Association and what is going on in the world of advocacy around these issues.

There is so much happening and it is a good time to be talking and sharing. I look forward to your thoughts, comments, and suggestions for topics.

Happy Friday everyone!